If so, you start by filing a petition, in which you tell the court what the problem is and how you want it solved.

More complicated problems might require a hearing with a judge.

To prepare for this hearing you might first need to gather information from other parties to the matter. This is what’s called discovery.

Especially if the other side is represented by an attorney, discovery can be a long, hard slog. You may need the court’s help to move this part of the process along. You ask for this help by filing a motion.

For more, see the articles on procedure.

I am hoping someone out there has researched Emancipation in the state of Massachusetts. What actions and what case history can be used to emancipate a child …
- Who is 22 years of age (age of emancipation is 23 for a child in college in Massachusetts)
- Has not lived at the physical custodial home for 3 years and is in a rented apartment near the college
- Is in college but has been on academic probation for 3 years (not studying in earnest). Now in 4th year at college and taking a reduced course load
- The non custodial parent has not been given the child’s grades, has been provided no progress reports, was not provided the college academic warning to the child, and the non custodial parent has not been provided college matriculation on the child at college
- In the final divorce agreement is a clause that states both parents are to pay 1/2 of college expenses
- Is there an implied contract regarding paying for college for a child that the non custodial parent should be provided information and progress regarding the child while attending college?

Would appreciate any insight as well as any tactical probate approach to this dilemma regarding emancipation to gain control of situation and force emancipation.

Pro Se Dad replies:

Can’t help with much in the way of specifics. Pro Se Dad aims at pointing folks in the right direction, helping people find answers for themselves to questions like yours. If I were you I’d spend some time searching appeals court decisions (Massachusetts) on the emancipation issue. I use LexisNexis for these searches. I’d also look at the statutory framework on emancipation in Massach. Much of this info is now online. See links on our online research page.

Hope this helps in some small way.

i’m just finding out from one of my children after my divorce that my ex-wife has been influencing them that I was a bad parent during our marriage. The divorce decree specifically stated that neither parent should bad-mouth or estrange the other parent. Is there a recourse against the custodial parent for estranging or alienating my children from me?

This is a tough one, Charlie. This kind of behavior is bad for everyone. But your question is what can you do? If it’s your sense that this behavior on the part of ex is serious and on-going, and that it’s having palpable, negative effect on the kids and your relationship with them, you should definitely find a way to address it. But I’m not sure court should be the first place you turn.

If there’s no possibility of addressing this directly with ex, and I’m guessing there isn’t, what about other means of conflict resolution stipulated in the divorce decree. Can you take it to mediation?

If not, try an attorney who offers unbundled services and have her send a letter to the ex (or her attorney if she has one). Express your concerns, remind her of the divorce stip on alienating behavior, and indicate your intention to seek the court’s assistance if need be to see the agreement is honored. This may be enough.

Unfortunately this could also lead to further, perhaps even more intense, negativity about you by the ex, and everyone loses again. So you have to make a careful judgment about the pros and cons as you proceed.

Sometimes it’s enough to sort it out with the kids–you and they I mean. You don’t want them in between, but you can find good ways of talking about who you really are, about the feelings their mom might have, etc. I’m not a huge fan of psychologists, but where kids are involved I might consult one for advice about the best way of dealing with them when there’s a problem like this.

It’s what I’ve had to do A LOT of with my own kids.  I don’t always do it all that well, but going back to court isn’t the way to solve the problem either–not in my own case. What I console myself with is the belief that time will show the kids who the good parent really is, who isn’t.

Hang in there.

PSD

But as I learned this week, pro-se parties need to have their eyes wide open before agreeing to such third party mediation. Read any proposed contracts very carefully. Be sure you’re not be asked to give up what few advantages you may have gained by becoming a pro-se party.

Here’s an example: Some coordinators’ agreements require you to pay the legal fees of your opposing party should you challenge in court and lose a matter that was put before the coordinator and decided. A better arrangment for a pro-se party is an agreement that parties pay their own costs.

You should also view very skeptically any agreement which doesn’t restrain your p.c. from testifying in court.

Also, don’t accede to any p.c. arrangement which will lead to the reopening of questions you’ve already settled. If the issue is covered by a recent court-approved agreement, it ought not be subject to p.c. review (to the tune of $150/hr or more) unless both parties agree.

When it comes time for the hearing itself, you’ll have to get your exhibits ready to present to the court. Check with your local legal coach for specific rules (like how many copies you need, whether they need to be marked in advance, etc.). There may be a mountain of photocopying to do.

Get yourself one of those inexpensive file boxes at your local office supply store. Organize your exhibits in separate file folders.

See Represent Yourself in Court for more on exhibits.

Make sure you find out what the standard of proof is when it comes to your issue. It’s something you ought to know before you begin–how hard you’re going to have to work.

The 58 cent stamp, for mailings over an ounce. Buy a sheet of them when you go to the post office. It’s the postage you’ll most likely need to serve many of your documents on the opposing party.

The law governing whatever particular issue is at stake should indicate where the burden of lies.

Tomorrow, I’ll post on the “standard of proof,” another important concept.