pro se dad

Think hard before you go to Family Court to solve your problem, especially if you’re thinking of representing yourself. Is it really your best option?

If so, you start by filing a petition, in which you tell the court what the problem is and how you want it solved.

More complicated problems might require a hearing with a judge.

To prepare for this hearing you might first need to gather information from other parties to the matter. This is what’s called discovery.

Especially if the other side is represented by an attorney, discovery can be a long, hard slog. You may need the court’s help to move this part of the process along. You ask for this help by filing a motion.

For more, see the articles on procedure.

A new but now fast-growing specialty, parenting coordinators can help high-conflict co-parents reduce friction for the good of everyone concerned—among these, the children.

But as I learned this week, pro-se parties need to have their eyes wide open before agreeing to such third party mediation. Read any proposed contracts very carefully. Be sure you’re not be asked to give up what few advantages you may have gained by becoming a pro-se party.

Here’s an example: Some coordinators’ agreements require you to pay the legal fees of your opposing party should you challenge in court and lose a matter that was put before the coordinator and decided. A better arrangment for a pro-se party is an agreement that parties pay their own costs.

You should also view very skeptically any agreement which doesn’t restrain your p.c. from testifying in court.

Also, don’t accede to any p.c. arrangement which will lead to the reopening of questions you’ve already settled. If the issue is covered by a recent court-approved agreement, it ought not be subject to p.c. review (to the tune of $150/hr or more) unless both parties agree.

Exhibits are the evidence you present to make your case for the judge. For a final hearing you may have lots of them. In advance of the hearing you’ll have to submit a list of your exhibits to the court, and a list and copies of the exhibits themselves to the opposing side. They’re supposed to do the same for you.

When it comes time for the hearing itself, you’ll have to get your exhibits ready to present to the court. Check with your local legal coach for specific rules (like how many copies you need, whether they need to be marked in advance, etc.). There may be a mountain of photocopying to do.

Get yourself one of those inexpensive file boxes at your local office supply store. Organize your exhibits in separate file folders.

See Represent Yourself in Court for more on exhibits.

I’m just back from a three-day hearing in family court—as a pro se party, of course—and I’ll be posting on what I learned over the next few weeks.

A short time ago I wrote about what’s called the “burden of proof.”  Don’t confuse this concept with the “standard of proof.” The latter refers to how convincing you’ve got to be to win your case. (The law actually specifies how convincing you’ve got to be, and it varies with the issue.) Sometimes it’s what’s called “by a preponderance of the evidence,” which means something like, “a little bit more than the other side.” Then there’s “clear and convincing proof,” a higher bar to clear. You’ve probably also heard of “beyond reasonable doubt,” a standard applied in criminal cases.

Make sure you find out what the standard of proof is when it comes to your issue. It’s something you ought to know before you begin–how hard you’re going to have to work.

Stay tuned for more on pro se resources for family court. We’ve had to take a short break this week to finish up some legal work of our own.

This might seem like a trivial matter, but a pro se party has to adopt a kind of guerilla strategy, maximizing a hundred small advantages to counter the few great advantages a party with counsel enjoys. So here’s another small tip:

The 58 cent stamp, for mailings over an ounce. Buy a sheet of them when you go to the post office. It’s the postage you’ll most likely need to serve many of your documents on the opposing party.

The “burden of proof” is how the law talks about who’s got to play offense. If the burden lies on you, you’ve got to prove you’re right. If it’s on the opposing party, they do. Much better not to bear the burden of proof. You’re presumed right from the get go, and it’s up to the other party to prove you’re not. In family matters the burden usually rests with the party who initiates the case, though if this party meets certain requirements along the way, the burden may shift to the opposing party.

The law governing whatever particular issue is at stake should indicate where the burden of lies.

Tomorrow, I’ll post on the “standard of proof,” another important concept.

“Best interests of the children,” this is what it all comes down to in family court, the standard used to resolve every big disagreement. Find out how your state defines the concept. It’s the judge’s call ultimately, but he (or she) will have an eye to certain particulars. This info should be somewhere in the domestic relations statutes.

Here’s one example, New Hampshire’s definition of “best interests.”

It’s called a Motion In Limine. “Limine” is pronounced “jimminy” and is Latin for “threshold.” Law.com calls it “a motion made at the start of a trial requesting that the judge rule that certain evidence may not be introduced in trial.” Why certain evidence might be ruled inadmissable is a complicated matter, having to do with what are called the rules of evidence, but one common practice in family court is to use the Motion In Limine to prevent a party from offering evidence that he’s somehow unfairly keeping you from being able to challenge—as for instance by offering only evidence that favors his position, while at the same time failing to produce material you could use to counter. You might also make a Motion In Limine to keep a certain witness from testifying, a witness who failed to produce documents you’d have used to put her testimony to the test.